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Who is a Narcissist? How to Bargain with a Narcissist
24/10/2021Who is a Narcissist? How to Bargain with a Narcissist
Narcissism, or in other words, self-love is a psychological term that has been around for centuries, and nowadays it can be seen in many people in advanced dimensions and can negatively affect interpersonal relationships. In this article, I have written with details of ways to cope with people with narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissism, which can be defined as falling in love with oneself and keeping oneself above everything else, continues to be among the most talked about but difficult issues to deal with. Why do most people have such a hard time dealing with narcissism?
Because the number of narcissists is increasing, as people become more self-centered, their sensitivity decreases, and empathy loses its importance day by day. This situation naturally brings up details about narcissism and many curious issues.
Among those who are curious, there are people who have the characteristics of narcissism, their reasons for adopting the approach, and their remarkable qualities.
The fact that self-centeredness, which increases with the digital world, can turn into a disease is also noteworthy.
You better prepare carefully to negotiate and deal with the narcissist:
Check the following items regarding your addressee.
If you have ticked at least 10 of the 13 items listed below regarding the person you are having problems with and you think may be a narcissist, it means that person is using various narcissistic defenses.
If you flagged fewer items, it still means that he is using some narcissistic defenses.
Narcissism is the wrong point of view;
1. Self-centeredness: Does he think that everything is about him, about himself?
2. Righteousness: Is he constantly revealing his own rules?; Does he disregard the rights of others?
3. Humiliation: Is It Humiliating You? Is he bullying?
4. Demanding: Does he always want his wishes done?
5. Skepticism: Does he question whether there is bad intention behind him even when he is treated well, or does he look for ulterior motives? Is it solid and highly equipped? Does he not accept any other way than his way?
6. Snobby: Does he always think he's better than others? Does he get bored quickly?
7. Approval-seeking: Is he constantly aiming for other people to appreciate him?
8. Unempathetic: Doesn't understand your needs and focuses?
9. Out of compassion: Isn't it a big deal for him to apologize sincerely?
10. Obsessive repetitions: Do you have problems with events, minor issues while speaking?
11. Addiction: Can't even let go of those who hurt him, does he resort to them to deceive himself?
12. Momentarily disconnected: Does he not care about other people's feelings?
An important tip:
Narcissists only go to a psychologist or specialist when their spouse or boss says, “Get professional help or the door is there.”
In any negotiation, all parties are expected to give and take in order to reach a mutually acceptable outcome.
Negotiating with lonely narcissistic people can be difficult because they lack empathy, are focused only on winning, can't bear to lose, and may be unprepared for change.
Tips for negotiating with a narcissist include listing triggers and preparing responses, setting a time frame, and being clear about the person's goals.
Negotiation is a discussion aimed at reaching a mutual agreement. What is expected of all parties in this process should be an amount of giving and receiving that will lead to an acceptable outcome for all involved. However, people with strong narcissistic traits may be convinced that they are always right, unprepared for change, lack empathy, are good at manipulation, and want to win. When you put yourself in a situation where you have to negotiate with a narcissist and you know you are at war.
Children of narcissistic parents may have to negotiate boundaries when financially dependent, possible monetary arrangements, and "exit" strategies when leaving the family.
A narcissist's friends may have to negotiate how to spend time together, money matters, and how to take care of other people as narcissists are great at pushing people apart.
And the soon-to-be-divorced spouse may have to negotiate the elements of a full divorce when shared responsibilities for children, housing, and financial arrangements can cause friction and arguments.
Here are the steps to preparing a successful negotiation against a narcissist:
List your triggers and prepare your response.
How does the narcissist trigger you? Are you talking about your weight, your mother or your career? Can you talk about the moment you lost and acted unusually? Be aware of these triggers and make sure there is no ready deviation in the forefront of your mind. "Earthquake disaster for you Did I mention you're hurt?" List the "safe" topics to return to when the conversation goes in the wrong direction. You know that a narcissist is diverting the conversation into the "wrong" areas. When you feel this situation, switch to your safe object. Maybe upcoming sales or the weather.
List what narcissists might say to weaken you:
"Oh Ahmet, that's not you. You've changed a lot. Where did handsome Ahmet go? Who taught you to talk like that, you wouldn't make such speeches?" and the like. Prepare what to say when such a statement comes. Be clear about what you want to achieve.
Put yourself in the right frame of mind. Don't let fear take over and keep saying to yourself, "I can handle it". Set a time frame for the meeting and use a timer. Be as emotionally distant as possible. This is called gray waving: pretending to be uninterested and unresponsive. Literally let everything pass over your head and not reach your heart. Do not try to justify what you say or ask. Just keep the communication clear, concise, and short.
Have a notebook in front of you and write down what has been agreed. If you didn't reach your target, schedule another appointment for the next round.
What you will do next:
After you have negotiated, be sure to leave behind everything that happened and share it with others. That way, your narcissist cannot deny anything that is agreed upon. Also, de-stress by talking to some friends where it's safe to let your emotions run free. Congratulate yourself for having the courage to bargain with the narcissist. Even if you don't get positive results, congratulate again for having the courage to face a narcissist and set a roadmap for the next negotiation.
If you can't cope with the narcissist person despite trying what you read in this article, you can contact us at 0544 724 36 50 to get professional support from a therapist.
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